livinlargeinsf

the doctor is in.  renowned psychologist/ sexologist doctor leon rosenozzi is here to answer all of your pressing concerns currently keeping you up at night.  from “is this pus oozing from my anus normal?” to “do you think she likes me?”  dr. rosenozzi will use his vast experience and years of in-the-field research to soothe your anxieties and quell your fears,  or at the very least tell you to go seek medical attention immediately. 

a reader writes:

dear dr. rosenozzi,

i am confused. i went out for a drink with this girl i met and i thought we were having fun. i walked her to her car where i attempted to bathe her in my saliva and she totally gave me the heisman. what gives?

scratching my head this time instead of my balls,

heisman trophy winner

dear heisman trophy winner,

without some more detail an accurate analysis is difficult.  it sounds like that was the first time you both hung out together.  if you just had a drink and talked a little then i say it could just be she’s a quality girl who doesn’t just make out on cue. for a lot of people kissing is the most intimate part of the whole thing.  if it was an actual date which extended over an entire afternoon or evening and then she didn’t let you atleast smooch a little then i would really begin doubting her interest.  hang tight holmes,  it will all be revealed at the proper interval.  it’s too soon to tell…

another reader writes:

dear dr. rosenozzi,

i was hanging out with this new girl i’m dating and some of her co-workers at happy hour the other night and everyone was half-crocked.  we started playing the game ‘i never.’  this is when you go around the table and everyone says “i have never__________.”  if anyone at the table has done what that person hasn’t done,  then they have to drink.  it was my girl’s boss’ turn and he said “i have never had someone shit on me.”  imagine my horror when my girl drank.  everyone was horrified.  i am utterly repulsed.  i can’t even look at her,  both because she let her ex go poopie on her and because she actually told anyone.  talk about something to take to your grave.  am i over-reacting?

signed,

i can’t touch her without smelling my fingers

dear i can’t touch her without smelling my fingers,

oh man.  that one hurts.  i don’t know if it’s going to make you feel any better but it could be a lot worse.  people get turned on by a lot of very strange things and bodily functions is definitely one of them.  referred to as a ‘hot lunch’  or a ‘cleveland steamer’ many(or atleast three - your babe and these 2 girls i saw in a movie one time) women have been the willing recipient of their man’s steaming pile of dung,  deposited on their breasts.  if this was a one time deal then i say damn,  you might be able to get her to do all kinds of other kinky stuff not involving fecal matter. if it’s a regular thing then either start a high fiber diet and join the fun or run as fast as you can in the other direction.  i would worry about her self-esteem in any event.  most people who feel good about themselves don’t allow others to shit on them,  either literally or figuratively. good luck