livinlargeinsf

yes,  my balls are huge…

by this i simply mean that i  am extremely fortunate.  i have the IQ of a genius.  i have an ivy-league education.  i have more athletic ability than at-least 97% of the population.  i am a musician and guitar player,  a biologist by training,  a pseudo-intellectual,  a writer,  a realtor,  and an all-around bad-ass.  i also pull wool like nobody’s business… 

which is all well and good but what really defines having huge balls is confidence.

let’s face it.  if having varied life experiences were a job i’d be a tycoon.  yet,  even i, with all of my pseudo-pompousity, have only recently been able to stop comparing myself to everyone else.  i have finally been able to pry my head loose from the incredibly tight ass where it has resided for so long… 

i’ve always been a pretty competitive person.  i’ve always gone to the tune of my own drummer though as well,  and my drummer really started jammin’ out my last two years of college. 

and goddamn!  he was a bad-ass drummer.  it’s been a pretty crazy ride since then and i don’t see it stopping.  and i wouldn’t want it to.  conventionality is great for some people but i am not one of them.  this is something that for a very long time i have tried to fight,  and to no avail.  i have finally raised the proverbial white flag.

and thank god.  finally i have made the realization that life is not a race.  there is no finish line.  there is no running clock (well,  except for our imminent death.)  the only person with whom i’m competitive is myself.  i honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass what kind of car you drive or how much money you make.  i care about what kind of car i drive but that’s only because i love cars.  i suppose it was somewhat of a gradual process but then bam!  i woke up feeling totally secure in who i am.  everyone should be so lucky.

believe me when i say that it hasn’t always been this way.  in fact my self-esteem was so low it was almost completely undetectable.  it is only at today’s levels because i have worked at it.  smoking pot provided me with an alternate perspective.  tony robbins’ book ‘unlimited power’ (laugh if you want. tony’s balls are HUGE) provided the blueprint and i provided the labor.  it’s only taken me 31 years to reveal what makes me tick and now i just need to continue to feed the machine.

so what’s the lesson to be learned here?  well,  i’m not really sure but i think there may be a few.  i’d have to say for one,  self-esteem is something which can be built.  i don’t think many people really have any with which to begin.  the difference between me and them is that i have made a concerted effort to build mine.  i am constantly feeding my mind and body the nourishment it needs - emotionally,  physically and spiritually.  i am constantly taking action. 

another lesson may be that we all are different and we each must follow our own path.  just because i played lacrosse in the ivy league doesn’t mean that if i’m not making $500,000 a year by the time i’m 30 that i’m a loser.   i don’t need to be an investment banker just because half of the fucking people i know are.  they’re all making about 20x as much money as me.  oh, well.  i never wanted to be in finance and i actually thought for a while that there was something wrong with me because of that. 

i’ve always hung out with ALL types of people just for the simple fact that i’m a freak.  this has forced me to be a bad-ass.   don’t be a little bitch.  you are dismissed!!!!