livinlargeinsf

the pull-out method does not work. 

well,  actually,  let me rephrase that.  the pull-out method can work but it certainly has no place as a couple’s primary method of birth control.  i know,  i know,  this seems rather obvious and in hindsight i’m not really sure what i was thinking.  it’s somewhat disappointing how common sense seems to all but disappear when the call of the wild,  well,  er, uh…calls.  apparently,  build-up of my man seed causes me to forget all about probability theory…

i had always envisioned myself with various illegitimate children,  each from a different mother,  not for any reason other than my inability to rationalize monogamy.  as a student of biology and evolution i have always had some rather strong feelings about man and our place in the world.  as soon as my son,  miles,  was born,  however,  that whole belief system went right out the window.  i wanted a loving family with which to surround my son.  parenthood,  i’ve found,  generally has a way of bringing things into focus. 

so keeping the ‘family’ together becomes the end-all-be-all.  nevermind the fact that the ‘mom’ in this scenario brings selfishness to a new level, or that she has actually called me a ‘loser’ while i worked two jobs so she didn’t have to work at all.  that’s ok,  i told myself.  it’s not about me.  it’s about miles.  unfortunately one can disregard one’s own needs for only so long before things begin to implode.  instead of marinating miles in love,  he became an unwitting spectator to his parents’ countless arguments. 

the only constant is change and no truer words have been spoken.  break-ups are never easy but i wasn’t prepared for how difficult this one would be.  i miss miles so much.  gone are the days of me coming home to see my munchkin in the window waiting for daddy.  i’m also realizing, as i go through this process,  that fathers often really do get the short end of the stick.  i’ve spent the last few years busting my ass in order to provide for my family and how am i repaid?  my whole life is turned upside-down and my ex doesn’t even allow me to see my son.  a thank you would have been sufficient…

what are the lessons to be learned from all of this?  well,  first of all,  never get married.  i realize i’m not (or rather, wasn’t) married but i can only imagine how much worse it would be if we had been.  it’s just an all-around bad idea and no one can convince me otherwise.  second would have to be never share all of your money with your mate. always,  and i mean always,  have atleast one separate checking account with nothing in it but your money.  third is a cliche but cliches are cliches because they are so true.   stay true to yourself.  in any relationship in which i’ve been,  this has always been the most difficult part.  as soon as you feel yourself slipping,  sprint as fast as you can in any direction but towards your mate,  and keep running.  if you do that, everything will work itself out. 

notice i failed to mention practicing safe sex as a lesson to be learned.  why,  you ask?  because the birth of my son is, by far, and not even on the same scale, the best thing that has ever happened in my life. 

don’t be a little bitch!!!!!!