an ass to celebrate
December 5, 2007
crack open the bubbly…
let us celebrate beauty. let us celebrate perfection. let us celebrate the ass of mindy vega. it still looks phenomenal even at the ripe old age of 33. what’s her secret?
i don’t know but she needs to share it with others, right quick. i cropped the above photo so that her schwance wasn’t visible, poking its little head out from the rear. you know, because i run a classy site here. believe me when i say that it killed me to delete all of that gloriousness. the only saving grace is that i can rub one out to the uncropped version as soon as i finish this literary treasure known as this girl is too hot for porn.
look at those feet and that pedicure. oh my goodness…
ok. i couldn’t wait. her feet pushed me over the edge. i just took a little ‘break,’ and now i’m about 10lbs lighter - yeah, my sperm are huge. i also can think clearly now which should last for only about ten minutes, before i start to get ‘backed-up’ again. so, i better write fast.
unfortunately, one can celebrate and pontificate over an ass for only so long before it becomes tiresome. actually, i think that must be my ‘post-ejaculation self’ talking. well, either way, i need to go take a nap…
oh, carmella - show us your tits
November 25, 2007
i could easily fill 35 wheelbarrows with all of the ’spunk’ i have emitted while fantasizing about carmella bing. i could also probably populate a small third-world country with whatever sperm was left over. she’s my ‘go-to’ and i have ‘gone’ to her more times than any other babe, ever. my prostate has pictures of her up on its bedroom walls.
she’s 26 years old. she’s from vegas. she is completely unafraid to get down and dirty. i believe these are the qualities which make true love everlasting. group, girls, anal, it doesn’t matter. she’s down for whatever, whenever, with whomever.
she works a lot and is all over the internet. a ‘big boobs’ website without carmella is like a shoe without stink or an ass without a hole. or was that an ass without stink and a shoe without a hole? well, either way, she’s got great tits.
wait, jesse james wasn’t hot
November 6, 2007
not jesse james, jessica jaymes.
after taking an extended break from crowning any young lovelies with the illustrious title of being too hot for porn, we have stepped back in the ring ’swinging’ with a true knockout.
ms. jessica jaymes is a 26 year old from alaska with one of the better breast enhancement surgery results i’ve seen, ever. she has the distinction of being the first-ever hustler contract actress and has appeared in over 50 films. i think it’s safe to say she has been ‘turned out’ more times than i care to think about as i may be in love. as an avowed bisexual she started her career by only having sex with women on screen. fortunately, she added dick to her repertoire not long thereafter.
she used to teach elementary school but decided, instead, to do ‘god’s work.’ i am going to now masturbate, no…i mean, i’m going to read scripture. what? the bible. yeah, bible, good.
this girl is too hot for jesus
September 18, 2007
so here’s a little twist on our ‘this girl is too hot for porn’ winner this week which also goes to prove that i’m not as obsessed with porno chicks as i may seem. pictured is crissy moran, a 31-year old from san diego who i’ve admired for some time. let’s face it…she’s hot. so i thought she’d be the perfect pick for this week’s winner. imagine my horror when, after doing a simple google search, i found out that she had not only retired from porn, but that she is now a bible-thumping jesus-freak.
excuse me while i sit down. i still can’t comprehend. jesus?………..what?
the part which proves that i’m not obsessed with porn chicks is that she retired almost a year ago. talk about always being the last to know. jeez (sorry for sort of taking the lord’s name in vain, crissy.)
what i’m really sorry for though is that she has traded in her butt plug and strap-on for a bible and a drum she can beat for the lord. yee-haw!!!! hey if that’s what it takes to make her live the life she wants to live then, amen (sure now, but it used to be many men.) i only have a problem with religion when i am at the receiving end of someone proselytizing. oh well, that’s why crissy moran is too hot for porn jesus.
this girl is too hot for porn
September 8, 2007
i’m sorry to bring this down to the lowest common denominator, but…too late. i am by no means a pervert but i have been known to get a few jolleys off while looking at internet porn. i don’t have any subscriptions and i never pay (just like sex) but boy how i like to check out the sites with free thumbnail pictures. sometimes i don’t even need a reason, nor do i need any time convincing myself. masturbation generally seems like a good idea…
we all know that sex is a billion dollar business and that it has legitimized itself as a film industry, particularly as production levels have risen and the pool of talent has improved. it is not uncommon for me, while perusing all of these young lovelies, to find some which are just plain old hot - too hot for porn. there are a lot of women in porn who are ‘kinda’ hot or ’pretty’ hot. there are also those girls who could be hot if they didn’t have such bad boob jobs or their teeth weren’t so fucked up or their skin wasn’t all pockmarked, etc.- you get the picture.
what makes a beautiful woman subject herself to such things? who cares? whether it be sexual abuse, nymphomania, a crystal meth addiction, or just lust for fame and money, the purpose of this column is not to save these girls from their demons. the purpose is rather to pay homage to these beautiful creatures and say “goddamn you’re hot. couldn’t you just find some rich dude to take care of you, rather than have a train run on your ass?”
so enough with the introduction already, the inaugural ‘this girl is too hot for porn’ girl is………………………………………….daisy marie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
daisy marie is a 23-year old mexican who not only knows how to take care of her man, or men, as it were, but she’s all-natural and has a kick-ass tattoo on her back. she’s just exotic enough to beg the question “what is she thinking?!?”
