the beauty of spring and our need to hump
May 6, 2008
yes, the title says it all. aah…spring.
forget christmas. forget the last day of school. forget the day i got those test results back from the free clinic. my favorite day of the year has to be that first warm, beautiful spring day when the sundresses come out and the inhibitions stay in. yes, it is mating time in the animal kingdom and with that comes not only cotton sundresses but also many swollen vaginas.
there isn’t much i like more than a nice, big, swollen vagina. of course, we’re not speaking of a vagina which is swollen due to hives or a case of the mumps, nor are we referring to one which is swollen due to it being punched or beaten. we are, in fact, referring to one which has increased blood flow due to the heightened sexual arousal experienced as a result of an increase in the levels of certain hormones. i really, really love whore-mones.
in other words, babes are super horny RIGHT NOW. whether it’s the red-breasted warbler, a baboon, or maxine in accounting, this is your best opportunity all year to get off the bench and get into the game for pretty much across the board the female species is looking to hump. particularly right out of the gates of the spring season is your best opportunity to engage in coitus with girls whom the rest of the year wouldn’t look at you twice. they’ve been cooped up all winter, have fresh waxings and are lookin’ to party. well what do you know? I’m actually holding a party in about five minutes under my scrotal sack. refreshments will be served and you are most certainly invited.
bring your friends and i’ll see you there!!!
May 6, 2008 at 8:55 am
Happy spring. Apparently, everybody and everything is lookin’ to get some. Saw this nature thing today about a huge freakin’ seal trying to get it on with some poor penguin. Seal attacked the penguin and tried for like 45 minutes to get it on with the poor bird before giving up and heading back to the water. Spring fever - not just for humans, I guess.
May 6, 2008 at 12:10 pm
jesus christ. are you fucking kidding me? i don’t know if everyone sees this but i’m looking at some new thing which is directing people towards possibly related other posts. i just read the suggestion and it made me immediately defecate. my pants are ruined. i’m not at home. what am i to do?
lyrically me - you better be out there getting your hump on
May 6, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Hey Chris,
Don’t know about Maxine, but Brian in Purchasing is looking hot these days!!! Happy spring, happy humping!! Nice to see a new post.
May 6, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Absolutely.
(By the way, that new thing about related posts - can be turned off. It freaked me the fuck out having it on mine so I disabled it)
May 7, 2008 at 8:32 am
You seemed preoccupied…and you are!
May 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm
If suddenly we want to hump anything and everything, how is that different from the rest of the year/seasons?
Aren’t penises built to go towards something? Preferably a warm and wet place though sometimes a dry palm will do?
May 22, 2008 at 5:28 am
I heart “Whore-mones”. Not only are sun-dresses essential to attracting a mate, but there is also some reasoning behind it. Women need a cool breeze from time to time flowing in between their freshly shaven legs in order to cool down their flaming loins. This IS the season to get in the game.
Thank God for SPRING! Happy Hunting!
May 25, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Ha ha ha….yep…I remember that feeling: the day when one gets “those test results back from the free clinic”…it really IS a lot like Christmas, the last day of school, and even…EVEN….the first warm day of spring. Sheer joy.
June 28, 2008 at 9:33 am
I’ve sorted the female swollen vagina equivalent to “rock out with your cock out.” And yes, I’m about to jam out with my clam out. Whips and chains, Little Yellow Girl