further pontifications on multiple masturbations
April 6, 2008
it’s no secret i masturbate. a lot. of course, as i get older it’s not so much because i walk around all day with a ‘woodrow’ as it is just simple maintenance. ya’ gotta’ keep the pipes clean. you owe it to your prostate to keep it pumping. at-least once a day if not three times. when you don’t feel like you have it in you simply picture your prostate shriveling up and blowing away in the wind while your semen dribbles out of your penis like drool from the mouth of a stroke victim. damn. that did it for me. i’m gonna’ go work one out. how about you?
so now that we have a why? we need a how? how? internet porn, you silly goose. we are visual animals. my imagination ain’t for shit. i need to see what’s going on. i need the light left on. i need porn.
and thank god for internet porn. gone are the days of having a pile of magazines that you don’t want anyone to see shoved in your bottom drawer or between your mattress and box-spring. gone are the days of wandering into the porn shop at 3am to pick up the latest issue of hairy lesbian grannies while hoping no one whom actually knows you sees you. oh wait, maybe that’s just me…
i don’t pay for sex, nor do i pay for internet porn. why pay for things you can get for free? there’s an ample supply of free shit on the web so i stick strictly to it. that being said, those free thumbnail sites are a landmine field for viruses…
and i’m not speaking of the kind which cause oozing pustules to form on the most sensitive parts of my most sensitive genitalia. i am refering to viruses of the computer sort, but really my life doesn’t have room for either. i had a girlfriend who was more than just a little like a monkey as she groomed me, searching for any sign of blackhead or pimple, anywhere on my body, just so she could squeeze the shit out of it. man, we were close. she could probably get into the oozing pustules. i have an ingrown hair right now on my ass for which she’d probably build an altar. sometimes i really miss her…
the best was when i would be doing my ‘bidness’ and my most recent ex would come home unexpectedly. there was at-least one time when she walked in on me with cock in hand, pants around ankles, saliva puddled at feet. no matter how innocently one masturbates the majority of girlfriends or wives are incapable of not finding this type of behavior incredibly offensive.
hey, i’m a guy. this is what i do whenever i have a little time to kill, a little time ALONE, or a high-speed internet connection…
April 6, 2008 at 7:47 am
Hey Chris,
This is by far one of your best posts yet….have you been taking writing courses (or are you just naturally talented). Anyway, keep pumping big guy!
April 6, 2008 at 7:54 am
http://dailybedpost.com/2008/04/april-is-orgasm-month.php
And April is orgasm month, so ya know…pump away, I suppose. (May is supposed to be National Masturbation Month, but I have yet to figure out what they think people are doing June through April…).
April 7, 2008 at 12:53 am
I’m nothin’ if not consistent.
April 9, 2008 at 2:59 am
Your ex needs to realize that if she was hotter you wouldn’t be forced to pull on your pud.
April 12, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Man, what is wrong with all those bitches ? (women)
I have never actually had the pleasure of walking in on, or interrupting one of my men while they were in the middle of masturbating. However, I am pretty sure that I would think that shit was really hot, and depending on my mood, would probably just rape them!
That is, unless I was in a really, REALLY bad mood, over whatever. But even then, worst case scenario, I would probably just say something like, “Ew, you’re gross” and leave the room to let you finish your business in peace. What is so offensive about it? Don’t those women ever masturbate too? (And if the answer to that is ‘no’, then that is a very, VERY, SAD thing for them!!) I thought EVERYONE masturbated, even if they say they don’t!
April 13, 2008 at 9:38 am
Friend, you really need to read Henry Miller at least Tropic of Cancer, Tropic of Capricorn, and Black Spring. After that you will probably want to read Sexus, Nexus and Plexis.
Enjoyed chatting at the bar.
April 15, 2008 at 2:20 am
chelsea lynn - another reason why you rock. it’s too easy for insecure women to feel threatened and that’s unfortunate for everyone involved…
tom - i enjoyed chatting with you as well. i published your comment so that my readers would also be exposed to those works if they haven’t already. thanks!!!
April 15, 2008 at 3:45 am
true about not paying for porn. youporn, redtube, xtube, pornhub. and tons of porn message boards with tons of free uploads. all free shit.
April 23, 2008 at 5:06 am
Where are you man, I have been looking for you for 10 years. Last I heard you went to Africa to study elephant penis? e mail, we need to speak. I had another baby Sunday 4/20 , she is a girl and will never meet you, lol
May 1, 2008 at 12:38 am
that blond is much fatter looking in person. what a dumb cunt. seriously. her friend was grabbing your cock in the bar and she kept saying, “let’s go eat pizza”.
May 1, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Masturbation is every human’s inherent right to pleasure. For men, the health of the prostate depends upon it. Keep stroking…
I’m presuming the free porn thumbs listed here are virus-safe?
And definitely read Tropic of Cancer - you would dig it…
May 1, 2008 at 2:07 pm
And why do women (and sometimes men) continue to believe that guys pulling their cock has anything to do with their sexual abilities? It’s not a competition between pussy and wanking - they co-exist like the sun and the moon…It’s not one or the other…guys can get fucked ten times a day and still want to play with their joy stick - toys are meant to be enjoyed…as often as possible.
May 1, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Mr. D (as in big italian…) did i get edited? i hate that..
thanks to livinlargeinny, i’ve now discovered youporn and pornhub…i only have about 500 pages of amateur porn left to browse…
b
May 2, 2008 at 2:01 am
http://www.masturbate-a-thon.com/
LOL - It’s May!
May 5, 2008 at 7:14 am
“…like drool from the mouth of a stroke victim…”
Dude that did it for me! I gotta rub one out!
May 8, 2008 at 11:25 pm
fyi - i posted my three go-to porn thumbnails pages on this site. anytime you’re going to be looking at porn in any capacity i would recommend deleting all temporary internet files and cookies immediately after. if only for those times you click on a thumbnail you think is a chick and it turns out to be a tranny getting worked over by three ’straight’ dudes. trust me. your girlfriend won’t think that you hit on it by accident…