wingmen and cockblockers - an in-depth analysis
April 2, 2008
i’m so glad i’m a dude. dudes stand by their boys. dudes spend all night talking to a fat girl just so that their buddy can hit on her hot friend. dudes will often even go as far as to make the ultimate sacrifice. yes, perish the thought, but a true friend and wingman will even get naked with a fatty if that is what needs to be done. one of the first great wingmen who really set the mold for the position was saint peter. why do you think jesus always hung out with him? because that fucking guy would do almost anything to get him laid. he’s now a saint. coincidence? i think not…
this mentality, as great as it is, is completely foreign to the female brain as i guess it should be. i realize you ladies have the ‘goods’ and you just can’t go around giving that shit away as a selfless gesture. even so, i’m amazed at how many girls don’t have their friends’ vaginal needs even remotely within the realm of consideration. vaginas, as i understand it anyway, have very real needs.
not that long ago i had two babes that were both all over me. they were ‘friends.’ i use the term loosely because if one of my friends started hitting on a girl on whom i had ‘dibs,’ i’d most likely have to kick his ass. not with these babes. it was a competition. of course, my first thought was that i’d finally be able to have my enormous balls held at the same time with two sets of hands. it takes at-least two sets of hands, if not three. i mean, those things are friggin’ huge…
so, i started cozying up to one of the two babes. i was trying to not commit to her though because i wanted to see if the double-team was still possible, but she was all over me. i mean, i actually thought she was going to start blowing me right there. the more i was macking on the one, the more the other one pulled back.
when it was clearly apparent that they weren’t a package deal i began focusing all of my attention on the one babe. after a little while the other one, whom by this time was looking super hot to me simply because i couldn’t have her anymore, wanted to leave. was her body that nice a half-hour ago? damn. anyway, she wasn’t getting any attention and like the self-esteem lacking attention-whore she was, she wanted to go home. what a friggin’ lame-o. i wouldn’t have cared had both babes not come together. now the chick that wanted to leave expected my babe to leave with her. couldn’t she just go dance on a table or something?
April 2, 2008 at 3:04 am
Ah, but it’s a cardinal girl rule. Friends don’t let friends leave with random bar guys. It is a rule that can be (and sometimes should be) broken… but… sometimes the guy turn out to be a drink-spiking, freaky weirdo who keeps her in his basement wanting her to rub the lotion on her skin (and not in the GOOD way, but in the freaky-weird Silence of the Lambs way), and the rule exists for that reason.
April 2, 2008 at 5:09 am
yeah, but she still went home with me. i understand what you’re saying but in this case there was just way more drama than there needed to be. i don’t like drama. her friend just needed to hang out for awhile longer which is the whole point. as soon as she realized she wasn’t getting any she wanted to leave because it was all about her, not her friend.
April 2, 2008 at 6:37 am
Oh, then it’s not the concerned friend thing. It’s a bitch thing.
April 2, 2008 at 11:42 am
women are brutal. if he is hot/cool enough they will hit on the same guy that their friend is digging. No consideration whatsoever. Sorry babe, if it was you getting hit on, you wouldn’t want to go home early either. Just face it ladies, it isn’t all about you!
April 3, 2008 at 12:56 am
lyrically me - yes, indeed. it is a bitch thing.
gmonee - you are obviously a ‘big ball swinger.’ welcome to the club buddy…
April 3, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Yes. It was totally just a bitchy thing. Stupid bitches. I have in my life 3 friends that are girls, only 2 I consider some of my best friends. One I’ve had since 8th grade middle school, the other is 44 because women in that age bracket are usually over the stupid types of games like these so common to girls my own age. Long ago I realized the fucking absolutely retarded drama-hoe nature present in the vast majority of women, how they just wait for the perfect moment to stab you in the back, how they revel in the misery of other women….Its like antidepressants for them.
For many women, seeing another woman happy, and it seems to be even worse if the happy woman is one of their friends, is unbearable and painful for them. Seeing another woman who is hot, or god-fobit HOTTER than they is also painful. It don’t matter if the bitch is “friends” with other bitches. Whether they stab each other in the back overtly or covertly, is regardless. Bottom line is that they WILL DO IT, they do, and then they do it again and again in a pathetic, never-ending, “I’m a bitch with no self-esteem” cycle.
The way this bitch here schemed to say she wanted to go home and attempted to drag her friend who was OBVIOUSLY having a good time, is just a prime example, of the many stupid bitchy tactics these bitches will take just to prevent another female’s potential happiness.
I myself think all these hos need to realize that they are beautiful, other women are beautiful, I am beautiful, and that I am NOT doing it to be out there ruining their day!! Deez bitchez needs to recognize: There will ALWAYS be someone uglier, and someone hotter, than they. So just shove it and be happy you don’t have a penis growing out of your forhead!
April 4, 2008 at 2:18 am
“deez bitchez needs to recognize.” chelsea lynn, it’s sentences like this which are making me soooo incredibly horny for you. did i mention that i’m incredibly horny for you?
April 5, 2008 at 9:07 am
To Lyrically Me: So you don’t trust your adult friend to make her own rational decisions? And I would contest that it’s a “cardinal girl rule”, one recent pull I (stupidly) asked “are your friends cool with you leaving?” And she was like “oh yeah, we don’t get involved in who we choose to fuck.”
And it’s astonishing how many women have told me exactly what Chelsea Lynn has stated, that they don’t have a lot of women friends because they suck. But we as men are supposed to worship these wonderful creatures.
But I don’t want to come off as hating women, because I don’t. I loves me a woman…for approximately 1-3 months.
April 5, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Reader - I would trust my adult friends…NOW. Back when we were 18, 19, 20, whatever and wasted at the bar? Nah. I didn’t. Likewise, they didn’t necessarily trust me either (not that I didn’t leave with a random person a time or two, anyway, regardless of my friends). So I guess it’s not so much a question of trust, but more of a “how drunk is she really?” question.
But, yeah - women can really suck. I have a handful of close friends and several other “surface friends” and that is about it. Many women are not happy unless they are tearing another chick down. Now that I’m older (ahem. 31. Ugh), I don’t let that shit get to me, because why bother? Of course, the downside is that as you get older, having male friends is difficult too, as they are married/attached to females who are too jealous to allow them to have female friends. And that blows too. (And to be honest, in *that* situation, I’m not sure who is suckier - the women for being jealous for nothing, or the MEN for being led around on leashes by the women!!). Sorry. Sore subject.
May 7, 2008 at 1:40 pm
[...] give and take of wingmanning 07May08 Reading this reminded me of something I SO have needed to get off my chest: the cock-blocking must [...]