livinlargeinsf

i know of what i speak.  i have volumes and volumes of experience with women.  i have been in the trenches.  i have taken bullets.  in fact,  i currently still have shrapnel lodged in my right testicle. 

all i can do is put this shit out there.  i can’t force you to listen.  and even if you do listen,  i can’t force you to put any of it into practice.  that is completely your own prerogative…

that being said,  i’m no pick-up artist and i’m not trying to be.  i am no poser.  this isn’t a competition.  it’s simply about giving yourself the most opportunity to make a connection.  it’s way too easy for a girl to shoot you down.  don’t give her obvious reasons to.  also,  you can’t force chemistry.  it’s either there or it isn’t.  take stock, be honest with yourself, cut your losses and move on if that’s what needs to be done.  nothing is more pathetic than some dude who just doesn’t know when to quit.  there will always be another girl. let me repeat. there will always be another girl.

i went out last night with a buddy of mine for a beer.  simple enough.  there were three girls in the joint which wasn’t so bad considering there were only four dudes.  i just wanted to hang with my buddy though so i really didn’t give a rat’s ass either way.  i like having pretty girls around me the same way i like to have pretty paintings on the wall.  of course,  i do have a penis and i’ll take those odds any day.  i mean,  come on,  that’s like shooting fish in a barrel. 

so anyway,  somehow the cutest girl in the bunch ended up sitting between me and my buddy.  he was all over her.  he must have told her how hot she was at-least fifteen times which is the cardinal sin of all cardinal sins for all of us big-ball swingers out there.  he also kept putting his arm around her and making way too much physical contact for some girl he had just met.  i was getting ready to lose my lunch all over him.  if a girl touches you then that’s the signal to proceed.  always assume you’re sitting at a red light until you receive a green.

what was i doing during all of this?  i was dancing, not paying attention to the babe, and allowing my buddy the freedom to squander any opportunity he had.  believe me.  i am the best wingman ever.  i will go down with the ship for one of my boys.  i was pulling for him, but come on now,  he was forgetting all about the basics…

to make an excruciatingly long story short,  it was closing time and we all walked outside.  i wanted to leave them together so i hugged the girl as a polite way of saying see ya’.  she proceeded to turn her head and stick her tongue down my throat.  i said whoa!!! and i pulled back out of surprise (sure, after about ten minutes.) my buddy, with his infinite lack of knowing when to say when,  proceeded to hug her after i had while he then tried to stick his tongue down her throat.  i could only stand there and shake my head in amazement.  i’m seriously considering staging an intervention for him.  this behavior absolutely cannot continue…

btw - this wasn’t supposed to be funny.  i ’tagged’ it humor simply because i tag all of my shit humor.  it was supposed to be educational.  see the mistakes others make and don’t make them yourself.  not doing that is pretty much the definition of being a little bitch.