livinlargeinsf

now, i absolutely love san francisco,  even with all of the homeless people swarming around me like gnats.  if only they were even more like gnats.  gnats generally don’t smell like shit…

my unfortunate catholic upbringing has taught me to atleast try to be nice to everyone.  this includes the homeless.  i reserve judgement on others as a general rule as well.  you just really never have any idea through what someone has been.  ‘until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes,’ as they say…

this certainly does not mean in any way, shape or form that i give change to panhandlers.  in fact,  i am much more likely to perform a rim-job on a homeless person than give them my spare change.  that being said,  on the ever so rare occasion that i do actually hand over change, it’s usually because that person is especially pathetic,  like some dude with no legs and a hand growing out of his forehead,  or something.  hey,  when i am alone i sometimes cry.  i have feelings.

so anyway, i was walking towards home the other afternoon when this old babe with a walker stopped me and asked me for change so that she could procure a cup of coffee.  a cup of coffee???  are you fucking kidding me???  i had to hand it to her though,  she pretty much had the whole pathetic thing nailed down pat.  she looked as though she had just been plucked from one of the many trailer parks in hell and dropped off in the middle of the tenderloin by a passing spaceship. 

now,  my normal reaction would be a simple “sorry,”  or i’d flash a smile and just keep walking.  it’s only when someone flags me down to ‘ask me a question,’  that i am ever rude.  simply because the question is invariably “can you spare a dollar?” i mean, just stand there with a friggin’ cup like everybody else.  don’t waste my time having me think that you’re asking me for directions or some shit.

so as a reflex action i muttered an “i’m sorry,”  to the old trailer park babe.  i walked maybe three more steps and then was hit with the realization of how much it must really suck to be her.  yes,  a few moments of clarity.  i ended up not only giving her all my change but i also invited her back to my place for a few drinks.  after an impromptu massage,  i allowed her to blow me.

never, ever accuse me of not doing my part to help the homeless…