livinlargeinsf

picture me sitting at a bar drinking a beer.  not hard to do.  particularly with a hot blond sitting beside me.  she had a body straight out of my wildest fantasies.  she had a vocabulary which rivaled mine.  to quote one of my most respected luminaries, paris hilton,…’that’s hot. ’

we were having a great conversation.  i was not leaving any question as to the fact that i wanted to do unspeakable things to her bung.  well,  actually,  i was a little more discreet than that.  just a little, though. 

hearing her tell stories of her lesbian dalliances made my swollen member press further and further into the fabric of my trousers.  then,  unexpectedly and unbelievably, fabio,  of all people,  came into the cafe where i was sitting to buy a macchiato.  now, i fucking love fabio.  so, of course, i went up to him with the intent of securing his autograph.  i mean,  that shit will be worth a fortune one day… 

so with autograph in tow i went back to the hot,  loquacious babe with the hooters.  we picked-up where we had left off.  this continued for awhile.  now,  keep in mind i was sitting all the way at the end of the bar.  there was no one else around me besides this babe.  she turned to her right to speak to the douchebag to her right.  suddenly i caught whiff of something peculiar.  jeez, what is that? 

it ever so gradually intensified in its olfactory assault.  i scanned my immediate area just to ensure a homeless person hadn’t defecated on my shoe when i wasn’t looking.  the smell continued to grow.  what the fuck is that? 

i can,  on occasion,  be a little slow on the draw.  particularly when i have almost been rendered unconscious by the smell of ass.  all fingers were pointing to this babe’s rear end as the culprit of this most offensive of smells.  i reluctantly accepted the reality of the situation.  then something happened…

instead of being repulsed i felt that old familiar tingle.  was i actually becoming aroused by the smell of her flatulance? ‘please god,’  i thought…’please tell me i’m not becoming aroused by the smell and thought of this girl farting…’ 

like i need any more sex-related issues,  right?  but see,  i don’t know now.  the thought really doesn’t do it for me anymore… 

i think it must have just been those friggin’ tits.  i mean,  goddamn.  they were phenomenal…