livinlargeinsf

i was a bad boy. 

it was late.  really late.  i had been hanging out with these two friends of mine, both of whom are chicks. one of whom i’ve had the opportunity to nail more than a few times.  i also have been the welcome recipient of a dozen or so of her glorious ‘oral servicings.’  

this girl is a wild animal.  she holds the distinction of being the only girl with whom i’ve been caught having sex in public and i’ve had alot of sex in public.  we were on this little observation tower towards the ghirardelli square end of fisherman’s wharf.  she was bent over.   i was behind her.  my tongue was visiting ‘rim-job city.’  it was pretty hard-core.  i even played dentist and ‘filled her cavities’ in my back seat while some homeless dude watched.   she said “let him watch.”   i said “ooohhhhaaaahhhh,”  as i blew.  i’m sorry baby, but that was hottttt!!! 

i have even seen this girl, with my very own eyes,  suck a hairy midget thru a crazy straw.  i know.  i wouldn’t have believed it either…

the problem is that even with all of that,  i just get tired of the same pussy.  pussy’s like bread.  it gets stale.  who wants day old bread?  the same people who want day old pussy, and they can have it.  i don’t want that old,  stale pussy.  i needs me some new,  fresh,  different pussy.  not necessarily better,  not necessarily tighter, not even prettier or less hairy,  just different.  a wise man once said “show me a beautiful woman and i’ll show you a guy that’s tired of fucking her.”  

no shit. 

it was so late that night that we all just went to sleep.  well,  except for me.  i was too busy lying on the floor with my laptop jerking off to porn.  twice.  nevermind,  i had a willing and able partner five feet from me.  i still preferred to masturbate in secret.  twice.  did i mention i masturbated twice?

let’s face it.  it’s damn difficult to beat perfection.  after so many years of jerking off i have perfected it, man.  i am a virtuoso.  i know exactly what to do.  trial and error with an innumerable amount of repetitions over 20 years will surely lead one to mastery.  and yes,  i am,  indeed, a master.

this inverse proportion between the number of times i have sex with a girl and that particular girl’s ability to compete with porn is why i am single and shall be FOREVER, which, by the way,  is fine…by…me…