livinlargeinsf

after much pleading from my boyfriend,  i have finally agreed to take a dildo to his ass and work him over like the little sissy that he is.  to my horror,  he came home yesterday, after stopping by ‘good vibrations’ on polk st, with a strap-on face dildo.  i’m nervous to say the least.  what are the chances of me getting a face full of one of his incredibly foul-smelling fecal bouquets?

i’d say pretty good.  i suggest brewing a pot of coffee just beforehand.  also, make sure he approaches you from a squatting position.  in my experience this ‘1-2 punch’ works like a charm.  be sure to keep your mouth closed,  at-least at first… 

fortunately, the design of the face dildo should prevent any feces from actually getting into your eyes.  feces is no friend to eyes, nor is it a friend to fingernails.  and actually it’s not really a friend to nose hairs either.  i mean, really,  i heard that feces was talkin’ shit about pretty much everybody.  talk about a two-faced cunt.  that bitch.  she’s nobody’s friend.  she can’t be trusted!!  i can’t believe the way she treats people!!!  that dumb fucking bitch!!! i’m gonna’ kick her fucking-

[editor's note: livinlargeinsf apologizes for dr. leon's outburst.  he will be taking some needed time off while he is kept for observation by 'the nice men in white coats.'  accordingly, we shall include an excerpt from a scrapped unpublished episode in order to substitute for this one.  sorry it couldn't be funnier.  but you probably wouldn't have 'gotten' it anyway. you're so fucking stupid.  look at how stupid you are.  you dumbasses! you all think you're so fucking smart!!  do you know the pressure i'm under!?! you fucking morons!!  you don't know what it's like to be me!!!  i'm going to kick you're pussified, pieces of shi-]

{asst. editor’s note: unfortunately, marty macandarandy, our fearless editor-in-chief, has been placed on administrative leave,  indefinitely.  we apologize for any inconvenience or problems these outbursts may have caused. }  now, back to dr. leon…

i was the unfortunate victim of ‘poopie-cock.’ it was the first (and probably last) time i’ve gone, as you say, ’spillunking.’  is there always excrement involved? how do gay men handle the possible problem of poo?

since kids have picked their noses, man has wondered just how many times he can go spillunking, indiscriminately, before he will wear his fecal badge of honor.  i’d say the average is about 7. 

utilization of a bowel cleansing enema is a gay man’s weapon in creating an ass cavern worthy of hosting such gala events as the ‘i’m now going to plow your bung’ olympics or the annual  ’anal creampie ball.’  a colonic martini anyone?  btw, that was super alliteration to close your question. well done.

dr. leon rosenozzi is a renowned psychologist and sexologist who is always on the cutting edge of stuff to do with psychology and sexology.  his unique perspective is featured weekly in livinlargeinsf with sf-at-large with dr. leon where he fields questions from people he stops on the street.  we look forward to his forthcoming video interviews!!!!!!