livinlargeinsf

what is it about boobs? 

now, by boobs i am not speaking of those individuals also referred to as morons, dipshits, numbnuts, doufuses (or is it doufi?), imbeciles, ignoramouses, dumbasses, etc.

by boobs i am referring to tits, mammaries, udders, perkies, flotation devices, pillows, mosquito bites,  glorious nipple-capped milk factories, droopy chest weights, the things that, hopefully, will take most of the extra weight when my chick gets fat, or one of the many other sophomoric terms one might apply to this most beloved body part.

the most obvious thing tits have going for them is their absolute representation of the purest form of sustenance.  we may think of ourselves as being completely removed from the rest of the animal kingdom but the first thing all mammals do,  humans included,  is reach for the tit.

now,  personally,  i was never breast-fed.  if i had been, i would logically link this to my own fascination with breasts.   instead, the instinctual need has been left wanting and has, somehow, only increased in its intensity.  i mean,  i loves me some boobies.  fake ones, real ones, round ones, it doesn’t matter how big, how small, whatever.  my only request is that they are atleast somewhat aesthetically pleasing. also, i’m going to be spending some time on them, so if they’re sensitive to boot, that’s an inherent bonus.

there is an obvious appeal towards anything that is forbidden.  even an ankle can be sexy if you’re not supposed to see it.  this makes ’sense’ but while i am more than willing to rub my penis all over some hot babe’s bosom,  i doubt i would ever want to rub it all over someone’s ankle, unless of course the ankle were slathered in dijon mustard. 

that’s right.  with clinical tests and in-the-field research to support his theory,  dr. leon rosenozzi has made the incredible discovery that regular dijon mustard ’dippings’ will repel herpes and chlamydia and it will magically make prostitutes graciously return your money.  if dr. leon says it, i’m liking my chances that it’s true.  amazing. 

now,  i didn’t get my money back but dr. leon says it’s only because i used honey dijon.  fortunately, he says my case of gonorrhea is relatively mild compared to some of the cases he’s seen in thailand.  we look forward to his new weekly report in san francisco at large with dr. leon…